Girls Gone Wild; Or, How I tried to lose my biker’s tan today


I am rather modest with my body. I’ve never worn a two piece bathing suit. I cannot change in front of others in communal locker rooms (I go into a bathroom stall), and I’ve never, ever been to a nude beach. Probably that Boston area residual Puritanism I was brought up around.

So, I was a little hesitant when I made the decision to wear a spaghetti strapped sports top with a built in bra on my ride today. Let’s call that “Unlikely scenario #1” Me wearing a skimpy spaghetti strapped sport top in public. It’s 90, but the heat wasn’t why I decided to do this. I decided to do this because of what I’ll call “Unlikely scenario #2” which is, me wearing a cocktail dress tonight*. I knew I had to do SOMETHING to correct my silly tan lines, or look even more ridiculous in public tonight.

So I bit the bullet and put on this contraption of a top. I was a bit self conscious already, but then I started noticing I was turning a lot of heads. A LOT. Cars started slowing down to look at me. I even got honked at, twice. This hasn’t happened to me in at least 20 years so I really thought something was weird about all of this. I looked down and realized that my teensie, tiny little top, which was white, matched my skin so closely (which besides the biker tan is also quite white), I looked a lot like I had NO top on whatsoever.

Hence my extremely fast record setting mph rate.

-Karen

* OK, the reason why I’m wearing a cocktail dress is for a book release party being held at my store this evening. Think Vampires. I’ve not read the author, but she’s wildly popular. As Store Manager I’m chaperoning the “prom” party we’re having before the book goes on sale at 12:01AM.

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